smoke refugees

We escaped the fires and fled west for the weekend.

To say that we were exctied to be outside, without masks, enjoying the fresh air, is an understatement.

We rode on the tractor,

caught some frogs,

played the guitar,

went to the park,

walked through the forest,

sat by the bay,

saw some friends,

drove out to my brother's little farm,

sniffed the sweet peas,

fed the goats,

cuddled the doggies,

we couldn't get enough of the doggies,

rode the horse,

brushed the ponies,

walked ran through the prairie,

(some of us walked),

added a little extreme sport,

ate at one of our old favorites,

and....*inhale*... took in a lot of fresh air.

It has never been so hard to come home. I felt like crying when we drove into our smoke-filled valley last night. I'm so glad that we were able to get away for a few days. I really, really needed it.

cooped up

 The fires are still raging. I will never take clean air for granted again. It's pretty horrible out there right now. We're so thankful for the firefighters who are working day and night and braving these dangerous conditions. As for us? We're doing the best we can to not complain and make the best of it. 

Who can complain about a little extra snuggle time?

Or root beer floats?

The kids are cooking?!

And so are the grownups...(ie: Me) Shrimp Cobb Salad. Yum.

I did see a little blue sky- briefly. Those aren't clouds. It's Smoke.

I also caught the sun just as it went down.

Up above it really is so pretty. Poor little smoky valley below.

See the mountains barely peeking through the horizon?

I didn't edit any of these.

Straight out of the camera.

At bedtime Ian and I reminded each other of something important. No matter how smoky (or how bad our singing voices are)...

Download You are my sunshine

(he was asking for you to "clap" at the end)

sending them off

(awake, happy, fed, teeth brushed, hair combed, beds made, lunches packed, homework finished, ON TIME and headed out the door this morning)

I haven't spoken much about my decision to send the kids to public school. It has taken me some time to sort through it all in my mind. Last year was difficult. I made it through just barely. When I stop and think about all the things that I was trying to do- and do well- it makes a lot of sense why I nearly had a nervous break down (I'm not kidding).  Just being a mom to 4 kids is a full time job in itself. Add to that teaching 3 different grades, managing a very busy toddler, keeping up with the housework, teaching childbirth classes, attending births... I'm having anxiety just thinking about all of it. Simply put: I was spread too thin. 

Now that the kids are back at school I'm adjusting to my new role. I'm finding that I love having the time to just focus on nurturing them. It's so great to be able to sit with them and ask, "How was your day today? What have you been thinking about lately? Tell me about the book you are reading? What was the funniest thing that happened to you this week? What do you think I would like about your new friends? How are you feeling about your progress in math?"

I'm rediscovering my role as their mom. I've missed it because I was too busy being their teacher.

There are a lot of people who are able to successfully homeschool with families that are much larger than mine. I am in awe of what they are able to do- amazing. I still totally believe in the paradigm of educating kids at home. I just think I had to get to this place where I was honest enough to say... I can't do it. I need some order. I need some quiet. I need some time with my son who's toddlerhood feels fleeting. I need to be able to workout 5+ times/wk. I need all of those things. Carl was patient with me while I took the summer to uncover this stuff. I'm thankful that he's been supportive and encouraged me not to look at it as some kind of failure on my part.

The kids are adjusting well. We are blessed with wonderful teachers this year! And even though our mornings can be a little crazy *sigh* I know I made the right decision. I have peace.