pin prick

I've been thinking about this thing, this little "pin prick" to my heart. I don't know what else to call it. I can't seem to articulate it any better. It's just there gnawing at me a bit. I've tried writing about it, talking about it, thinking about it, explaining it, wraping my mind around it, all to no avail. Nothing works. I just keep walking in small circles around it. It won't go away. I feel frustrated and uncomfortable. 

Even though you really want to understand it- you just can't. And even now, as I type this out, I realize that these pin pricks might just have to be felt, endured. It's the only way. Okay then. I'll do it with quietness, and grace, and love... and I'll be okay. 

I'll be ok. In fact, I feel a little better already. 

the garden is in

Nothing like some manual labor, 

some good sweaty work,

and some dirt under your fingernails, 

to ease your mind a little. 

I put the whole garden in yesterday- as in every last plant and seed.

We are growing: cucumbers, peas, 4 different kinds of tomatoes, carrots, radishes, yellow summer squash, zucchini, bush beans, red peppers, 2 varieties of basil, parsley, french lavender, orange mint and peppermint, cantaloupe, watermelon, spinach, kale, romaine, butterhead, and green leaf lettuce.

I love jobs that you can stand back from and see a finished project. A lot of the "work" I do on a day-to -day basis is more ambiguous. Reading to the kids, or taking time to listen doesn't necessarily "show up" the same way as something more task oriented (like planting 200 square feet of garden).

Also, I got dirt on my face, which looks pretty cool. Maybe I could be a farmer after all?

I didn't have much help. In typical male fashion, Ian busied his hands elsewhere. He was happy to supervise (and test out the new patio). Oh, funny boy. 

I took a risk in planting this early, and naturally we had 30 mph winds today. I'm afraid to go out and see the damage. My risk-taking track record hasn't been very good lately. Grow little plants grow. Please. Fingers crossed!!

thinking spot

One of those nights that I just couldn't turn off my brain...or my heart. Those two- brain and heart, they are so often at odds with each other.  What am I going to do with them? If only they could just agree, or get along. It would make things so much easier. I finally gave up on restful sleep and tip-toed out at 5:00am. 

I found a thinking spot and tried to let them work it out. I'm not sure that I am any closer to making peace between what I know (brain)  and what I feel (heart)... but I climbed hard enough and fast enough to make them quiet down for a while. 

And...I caught the sunrise. Lovely way to start the day.