inner dialogue: treadmill version

The sky looked like this yesterday afternoon. I don't think it actually ever rained, but I was sure at any moment it was going to downpour. Darn it. I wanted to get a run in.  I'm a fair-weather girl. I wish I was all geared out and and into extreme conditions, and precipitation- but I'm not. It takes enough motivation as it is. When the weather is bad I almost always flake out. I drove away from the clouds and headed to the gym.

Headphones in hand, I hopped on the treadmill and watched the minutes begin to tick away. 

1:04- Dear God, I'm here to do penance for the mid-afternoon lack of self-control. I'm sorry for eating a hand full of chocolate chips. That was out of line. Please forgive me.

1:59- It's been a busy day. I'm glad I'm here. Good job me. I even have a cute pony tail today.

3:07- (Notice the Teenage Trixie to my left.) Are those her shorts or her underwear? Whatever. I can take her. Maybe she wants to race?

4:23- Over exaggerate when inserting headphones into my ears in order to avoid the conversation that the middle-aged man to my right is trying to strike up. I'm not interested in the basketball game dude.

6:01- Warm-up over. Time to run. 

7:39- This is a nice pace. I'm energized.

10:01- Huh. I've only been running 4 minutes? Weird, feels longer.

12:01- Whoa, my throat feels like I just swallowed a handful of gravel. I wonder if I could reach my water bottle on the ground without stopping? Without falling off?

13:01- I've only been running 7 minutes? Ugh. I miss the fresh air and my view. 

15:00- I'm going to die (gasp, pant) turn my headphones louder. I don't want to hear myself breathe.

17:22- Look at those dark clouds. It's 8:00pm. I should be home cuddled under a blanket on the couch crocheting. But then, I would have a butt that looked like I sat on the couch crocheting. 

17:23- Remembering  this: 

(there is no such thing as a bubble where we only see each other from flattering angles and in good lighting- RUN!)

20:32- Oh bye-bye Teeny Bopper Girl. I knew you wouldn't last. Enjoy the tanning bed. I'm just gonna stay here and burn calories.

24:58- Yay, it's Kings of Leon I love this song. Up my pace to 5 mph.

27:39- Pony tail is falling out.

29:13- I'm doing this. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Only 10 minutes and 47 seconds to go.

32:00- Don't quit. You cannot quit. Keep running. 

33:17- It feels good to sweat. Wipe my face with the towel they gave me at the front desk, see evidence that my mascara is running.

33:18- Remembering this:

34:44- Home stretch. Wow, it is way easier to run on this belt than on the pavement around my neighborhood. Maybe there is something to this 0% incline "no hills" thing.

37:12- What day is it? What time is it? I'm lost. In a good way.

40:01- Done? Already? I was just hitting my stride. That was SO easy. 

Endorphins- yes!! I'm awesome. Flying high. Let's go try on bathing suits or something.

I think I might puke.

get lost

It's 12:37pm. I'm sitting down to lunch  standing up at the counter eating again. I've just put Ian down for a nap. He's only gotten out of his bed 4 times. I think he's asleep now. The girls are waiting downstairs for me to come do spelling, math, and to read with them. We've already weeded our way through science, social studies, a violin lesson, and bible earlier this morning. The day has also included chores, a few errands, and a little first aid as Ian got a bottle of all-purpose cleaner and sprayed it on his face and in his mouth!! Carl is gone again. Just overnight this time, but still,  he's not here.  I'm standing amongst a pile of papers, putting the finishing touches on monthly progress reports, weekly certified teacher check-ins, copywork lessons for Hannah, and hand outs for my birthing class. Later on there will be dinner and swimming lessons. This weekend I'm on call and we have two slumber parties happening (one of which we are hosting).... there are messes to clean, groceries to buy, and gifts to wrap.

Sometimes I just want to get lost. And no- not in this:

(clean laundry that waits to be folded. volunteers?)

I want to lose track of the day and the time and where I'm supposed to be and of what I'm supposed to be doing. I want to get lost in the most irresponsible way. I want to move at my own pace and linger and dawdle and dilly dally. 

I could get lost in:

:: a good book- to be able to just read and read and read...

(Emma read her book cover-to-cover yesterday. She completely ignored me when I set a plate of apple crisp down next to her.)

:: a project (scroll down to the skirt) 

:: a long nap

:: a long kiss

:: a long talk-  a real talk. face to face. no calls or texts that end with "Sorry I've got to go" or "ttyl" or interruptions from crying children...but a real talk that only ends when we run out of things to say and not before.

:: pottery? I've never tried it before. I'd make this first.

:: a cup of tea

(I found this one sitting on the counter 3 hours after I brewed it. The cup was full.  I had forgotten about it. I do it all the time.)

:: writing 

:: planning

:: a good case of the giggles

:: a good 5 o'clock shadow- mmm mmm. scratchy scruffy.

:: a good bite of chocolate 

:: a sunrise

:: ikea- I'm all swoony for this patio set. Could I also have the bayfront view too?

:: a challenge or something to figure out

:: art, in all mediums - i love this blog. mind blown!

:: my ipod and some pavement

:: my goggles and some water (preferably chlorinated)

:: my bike and a trail

:: my bed. oh I love, love, LOVE my bed.

:: window shopping

:: the library

..................................

Do you understand this at all? Do you ever feel this way? I know that the days are long and the years are short. This fact brings me back to the here and now. It revives my patience and tolerance with all the demands upon my most precious commodity- time.

But oh to be lost for a while. 

work to be done

Yesterday there were apples to be peeled.

bananas to mash,

lettuce to wash,

veggies to be stir-fried,

And that was just in the kitchen...If I look outside I get a little overwhelmed.

The chives are coming up, which is always a sign that it's nearly time to plant.

The beds have been turned and a fresh layer of compost has been raked in. (Thank you husband.) They sit ready and waiting. I haven't even ordered seeds yet. I may just buy starts this year.

I'm starting to get anxious for the growing season to begin. Reading this book has provided inspiration. Check out this awesome website for planting dates in your area (Sign up for free! You get customized planting schedules!)

The pool is completely thawed. It will need a good shock and vacuum. Looking forward to many, many days of floating there.

The snow is gone, and there is concrete to pour for a patio, railing to build on our deck, and lots of potted plants to revive.

Good thing I have many happy helpers.

Happy  First Day of Spring to you!!